Moving Forward

The past few weeks I have slowly began walking again and working out 2 to 3 days a week.  I didn’t realize how far off the wagon I had fallen.  Who would have thought an injury would take this much out of someone — I know I didn’t!

I have decided to fully move forward I have to do what I have been dreading for the past year or so — getting on the scale and weighing.  Where would I be?  How much had I truly gained?  How much damage did I truly do to my body?  While walking with Robert the other day a lot of these questions came up and the reality of the unknown and needing to get my self moving in the right direction became real.  Robert kept threatening to interview me so I could post it here but I somehow got out of it; I think he felt bad for me.

After making the decision on Monday to weigh and see how far I had made it backwards I had one more melt down about my weight and my clothes to which my husband, Robert Sharpe, told me, ” I love you but I cannot feel sorry for you anymore.  It is time for you to take action and make a change.  If you are not willing to get out and do what you need to do (which I know what he is talking about) then don’t expect me to feel bad for you.  I love you and hate to see you like this but the decision to change is up to you.” Hearing those words fired something up in me and I took my first step!

Today was my second step, I weighed in!   This second step was painful, stressful and blood pressure raising (seriously) BUT in the end the good news was I had only gained 10 pounds in the past year but the bad news was I HAD GAINED 10 POUNDS IN THE LAST YEAR!  I also, took my third step today which was to set a goal for where I want to be.   My very first goal was to be able to go down these 10 pounds by camp out which happens to be 3 weeks away.   My larger goal deals with me losing over 120 pounds and I know that will take time, patience and a lot of work.

Tonight I am ending with a very special side note and request.  There is a young lady I taught a few years back who happens to be in the hospital tonight.  She has been in the hospital for the past 9 days or so.   She has lost her vision, has high white blood counts and several other struggles.  She had a procedure today to relieve pressure on her brain and prayerfully help restore her vision.   This precious girl, Summer, has always been full of life and her smile will brighten anyone’s day. Please pray the doctors are able to get to the bottom of what is causing Summer all of these problems.  Also, say a prayer for her parents- I know this has to be stressful seeing your sweet child hurt and not being able to do anything for her.

 

 

Persistence

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On my last post I commented I started exercising again, or at least attempted to exercise.  Well since I had my pout session about how hard it was and how far I had digressed from my original goal,  I decided not to give up! As heart breaking as it was to me to see how far backwards I had gone, I knew that I could only move forward and get better than where I was on  my first attempt at exercising again.

I am proud to say I didn’t give up; I went back to the drawing board.  I searched for YouTube videos which would work for me and start at the beginning.  I found a beginner’s video and decided to give it a try.  Well, I went from my first day being able to exercise for just a few minutes to completing a workout on Sunday!

To top this exercise off today Robert and I set out on something I haven’t been able to do in such a long time.  We set out on a walk!  We walked close to a 1/2 mile today — which we actually power walked for about 5 minutes of the walk!  Can you tell how excited I am about this gigantic step?!?

It feels so good to be returning to myself again, now that my foot is healing!   Stay tuned to more of our journey — I can’t wait until I am able to join my friends for Zumba and increase my walking to the 2+ miles a day.

**My Feature Image is a  picture my of starting point — it is what made me realize how far I had strayed! It is my point of motivation, I look forward to retaking this picture before too long.**

 

The Struggle Is Real!

I have to be honest my journey to the new me has been a real struggle!  For the first time in my life I feel as though I am a failure.  It seems no matter how hard I work, how little I eat or how healthy I eat, there isn’t any signs of weight loss for me.  I struggle to put into words how I am feeling through this journey, which is definitely not like me.   I know where I want to be and I see where I am.  The place I am at is not any closer to my goal than I was in January.

So what is my hang up?  Why can’t I lose weight?  Why do I feel like a failure?  These are questions I MUST find the answers to!!

To my readers, friends and family please be patient with me as I go on this journey.   Sorry I haven’t written in a while – I know I have hidden myself from my readers the past month and I apologize.  I realized today how much I have been hiding and not getting out and about anymore which is totally due to the way I feel about myself these days!  Please hang with me and help me on my journey!

Up next: Who knows my name?

 

Words from Robert

I know he will probably get me for this but I found this post my husband made tonight and just had to share.  These words rang true as I read.  I believe we are in this together!

 

“When I was growing up, I was active and played several sports. I ate like a horse. I was able to get away with it, because of the activity and a teenager’s metabolism. I was 170 lbs as a high school Junior and then 185 lbs as a Senior in high school. My weight fluctuated between 160-190 for the next 5 years. Once I quit exercising in my 20’s, I quickly ballooned from 190 to 215 in about 6 months time.

I gained and lost numerous times over the years. I even saw the beginning of some abs at 30 years old.

I let emotional experiences derail me wit every lof style change….new relationships, the breakup of a relationship, disappointments, etc. sidetracked me.

During the year leading up to meeting my wife Chana, I lost some weight. The exercise started off pretty, well, really rough. I went through a fitness bootcamp/ YMCA biggest loser. I thought for sure I was going to vomit in the bushes on the first night. I cold never quite keep up though out the 12 weeks. The other participants were much younger than me and in much better shape. I was determined not to be defeated by the exercises….. running up hills, suicides, spinning classes, intense aerobics, running laps……

Although my diet was way off, I got in terrific aerobic shape! My stomach began to shrink. I began to take flight! I ended the course working out on my own running hills that were MUCH steeper than those we started out on that first night. I flew up the hill, ran down the side, and then repeated again at full speed. After a few more weeks, I wanted steeper hills, but that hill was the steepest at the YMCA! I still felt like I could conquer the world! People who saw me on the street for the first time probably thought of me as out-of-shape, because I was still 240 lb!!!

THAT was only 4 short years ago! I quit about 3 months before Chana and I began to date. hmm.. If I attack exercise with the same intensity, consume a clean diet, and supplement, what could I accomplish even at 255 lbs.? What would I look like under all this weight? What health problems could I reverse? ..diabetes, high b.p., muscle aches, a sleep disorder, and digestive issues…How would I feel with less weight, better health, and able to tackle mountains this time?”

Robert, we can do this!!

 

I Survived

Last night was the season premiere of Biggest Loser, Temptation Nation.  I was eager to watch primarily  (here is a confession coming) to see what I missed out on. Deep down I felt this pain and desire to be there.  I really was surprised by my emotions as I began to watch.

I had been told several times over the past months Robert and I were simply not overweight enough for the show.  As it would turn out, as I watched the show, there were several contestants smaller than us and stories that did not match ours.  I also noticed, yes I was very observant last night,  many of the contestants were from Georgia and a handful from Florida.  I think that realization hurt bad.  I began wondering/questioning again why we weren’t good enought for this show.  What about our story didn’t make us good enough?!?

Yes, as I watched the show, I cried along with the contestants — I couldn’t help it!  Here comes another confession ladies and gentlemen. … I also cried a few tears and wanted to cry even more out of self pity.  I really suffered from the want and desire to change our lives and the lives of those around us, what is wrong with wanting to give my community something to be proud of?!?

After all being said, I survived the season premiere last night.  I enjoyed watching the changes the show made, how cool would it have been to be part of those changes!

 

“I Am Proud of You”

Many of you are aware, Robert and I set out on a journey yesterday.  This journey was very out of character for me!  It put me in a place of exposure, a place I wasn’t sure I was ready to be.   Yes, you know we auditioned for The Biggest Loser! Robert and I woke up yesterday morning around 3:00 and headed to Atlanta where we stood in line for over 5 hours in the heat and humidity.  The line for the audition wrapped a city block, which in Atlanta is gigantic!  While we were waiting for hours on end we were able to talk with individuals around us, hear their stories, and simply people watch.  The people watching was so much fun, LOL!   I realized while standing in line that no matter how rough our past 2 years have been with our up and down struggles there were people out there who had worse struggles!

I know and believe there was a reason we went to Atlanta.  There were too many details which had to fall right into place.  Then when we were praying and seeking God the hardest about if we needed to go or not, we received a phone call!   The phone call came from California and it was the producers of the show asking us to attend auditions! Looking around at all the people in line, I began to wonder if all of this was for nothing BUT then I reminded myself that God had opened a door for us and only He could close it.  Now, looking back, I wonder why did God open the door for us, what is He trying to teach us?

Finally after FIVE long hours in the sun and heat we made it to our interview!   Our interview with ten other individuals, WHAT?!?!?!?!   Surely this had to be  a mistake, nope, no mistake!   I found myself in a daze, here we had stood in line all this time to have an interview with The Biggest Loser and we had to share our time with ten other people!  The biggest shocker was we only had seventy seconds to tell our story!   Seriously!  Seventy seconds is not enough time and was not enough time to tell our story, to show our personality and to persuade them we were the next Biggest Loser!   So, after sitting down, hearing others stories, it was time to share my story.  What should I say, what would I say, what did I say?!?  I simply told the truth, the simple truth!  This was my story, my shortened story (I had more to tell but in less a minute what all can you say):

I have been overweight my entire life.   I actually weigh now what I weighed as a freshman in high school.   All of this extra weight leads to one thing in school and that is what I seemed to get a lot.   From being slapped in the face every afternoon on the bus , to always being picked on by students and teachers — much of it was hidden and not visible to everyone.  Many times I felt as though I was invisible and worth very little.  Now, I find myself teaching in the county and school district I escaped from after graduation, the one I swore I would never come back to.  I want to be a role model for the students I teach, after all I teach in the unhealthiest  county in Florida.  I want to show these little ones I teach, that you can overcome your circumstances of growing up in a low income community and an unhealthy community and be SO much more!

I wondered from the time I left the interview room  if I said enough BUT I mean I only had a few seconds to talk — actually less than the seventy seconds, I was told I would have.  I pondered if my story of wanting to give back was enough!   Robert had assured me it had to be!   He said I was the only one who even mentioned giving back — everyone else simply mentioned their struggles!

 So when I went to bed at 1:00 A.M. this morning, waiting on a phone call back from the producers, to which I am still waiting on (we were told they would be making call backs between Saturday and Monday) I felt a peace that no matter what happens I placed myself out there.  I did something, I normally wouldn’t do — I made myself vulnerable!   I did what I knew I was supposed to do — I went through the door God opened for me.

But to make sure I understood He was pleased with me and I did what I was supposed to do, this morning – early, very early – I heard these words directly from God, ” I Am Proud of You!

Robert and I.  Our second anniversary picture.

Robert and I. Our second anniversary picture.