Regrouping

Every once in a while, we, as humans, need to take a break from the craziness of our lives. We need to reflect on the events happening around us and simply regroup.  Regrouping is not always easy, just ask my 36 third graders who struggle with regrouping in math, it isn’t always as clear cut as you’d think.  There are so many strategies that have to be considered when we regroup. Sometimes it simply hurts.

I am currently going through a regrouping phase in my life right now and goodness, once again, it hurts. Ask Robert how many tears I have cried the past few weeks and especially the past few days.  My regrouping is out of necessity, just like regrouping in Math it is only completed out of necessity. I can hear your thoughts as I’m typing, ” What are you regrouping?  Why are you regrouping?”  Don’t worry, I’m getting to that, it all started with wanting to make a few changes. Then it came full circle today with a picture.

Over the summer, I began walking with a childhood friend.  I made a goal and set out on a mission to regain my health one step at a time.  The walking was wonderful and gave me a new lease on life. I was being pushed and winning thanks to the encouragement of my accountability partner. Then school started and my walking totally stropped. I believe we’ve only walked twice since school started. During this time, I began looking into a few options to help me regain my life and health.  I prayed, asked questions, and pursued what I was sure would help me regain my life.  All of this work was for nothing!  When I discovered my insurance WOULD NOT pay, insurance I pay a lot of money for a month, to say I was “upset’ would be an understatement.  I questioned why and began wondering the reasons I was hitting this brick wall. I even went as far as to ask how much the procedure would cost out of pocket, only to discover it was $15,000 which had to be paid up front at my first visit! This news sent me into a tailspin to say the least.

My tailspin continued for several weeks if not months, I felt as though I had no motivation and no direction. I started living inside, what I call my bubble.  I would to  work and simply go through the motions of the day, faking how I felt all the while.  I would come home and slip back  into my comfort zone and stay here. Then, I was introduced to Thrive by Le-Vel.  I was given a 4 day sample and goodness did I NOTICE a difference.  I once again had energy and felt alive again, I was living again not just going through the motions. I have  enjoyed my time taking Thrive, the energy and mental clarity I have received from it.  While I have not lost much weight I have felt better than I had for months!

This weekend, for the first time in months, I went out and about with Robert and Haynes.  This trip was not what I expected and is what has ultimately led to my regrouping, along with a certain picture. Our day out was supposed to be a fun, family shopping trip (I had to get makeup).  Well, after going into a popular consignment shop in Orange Park I knew deep down things were not going to be fun.  Shopping around, looking at shoes for the most part because within 5 seconds of being in the store I realized they didn’t not carry clothes in  my size, I had sales associated glare at me with the look of, “why is that fat lady shopping here?” So my time in the store  was  not fun at all… it is not fun having people watch you because of your size at all.  After we left, me upset from the treatment to which I would not tell Robert about, I thought the day surely had to get better.  We ventured to the makeup store so I could get what I needed.  Well, I should have used my experience from the first store as a big hint, once again I was treated with disrespect.  I guess no one liked my Gator shirt, because I had three sales associated look at me and turn away to help other customers who each came in after me!  This tipped the scale and led to a total melt down for me.  Here I venture out of my bubble I had been in for months just to be treated like this, I was totally devastated and have swore to stay in my bubble!

Today at school we celebrated anti- bullying day by wearing blue shirts.  All of the third grade female teachers wore matching shirts.  We decided to take a picture which was probably not the best thing for me since I have been struggling.

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Even though I was not wanting a picture taken, I went through with it.  This picture has been shared on Facebook and with all the teachers in the third grade.  The picture really made me stop and realize what I had done to myself.  I have total self destructed, I had become my own worse enemy.  How could I do this to myself and my family? I knew right then I  had to have a serious talk with Robert – to help him see where I was coming from, I had to regroup and needed his help to regroup! After, many tears I believe I now have my plan in order and with help from God, Robert and the rest of my family I truly believe I will begin to see a new me soon!

I would love it if you followed my progress.  I will be posting every two weeks or so. PLEASE follow as I retake control of my life!

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