For the first time in my life, I find myself speechless. I always have a come back of some sort for everything that happens in my life; I even have something to say about things others say. Tonight as I sit in the living room by myself and reflect back over the summer I am totally speechless – which is a good thing!
I am struggling to actually put my thoughts into words tonight as I type this blog entry. I know/believe God understands our tears; many believe He turns them into words/prayers (tears that is) and in this situation, I am believing God is turning my thoughts/wordlessness into words.
This summer started bitter sweet for me. While I was at the end of the school year and preparing for vacation; I also had to prepare to no longer have my morning talks/prayers with Robert. He had turned his resignation in with our school system in order to further his career – we hoped it would be within our district but we were not sure exactly where he would end up.
During the course of the summer, Robert was able to land a job but it wasn’t within our district. I am still dealing with having to ride by myself every day and not have our morning talks/prayers. While I am struggling with the separation anxiety thoughts I know this is the best thing for our family. This career move for Robert will open many doors for us and I seriously have not seen my husband this excited about a school year in several years now. I actually find it cute and refreshing when he comes homes from his workshops he has had to attend the past little bit and “teaches” me what he has learned to which I have heard about or use the techniques already. I am using these tidbits of information as a refresher for me but am excited to hear him absorbing this knowledge. Seriously, he really is cute as he tells me about these sessions and gets excited about what he has learned each day!
Many of you know Robert and I have been on a journey since January/February to get the custody and prayerfully adopt my cousin’s baby. This summer we had to attend a dependency hearing to which I was out of town at a workshop during. Robert was our representative and he was blown away by the proceedings. Needless to say, I struggled to pay attention in class that day! But the love and support of my colleagues I was able to survive the morning, knowing so much could be on the line back at home.
When I finally received a phone call from Robert about what happened in court, I too was blown away. I was actually brought to tears, the judge has called out our names and told a court room full of acquaintances and strangers about all the letters he had received from us taking custody of this baby. He told everyone he received letters daily recommending us, The Sharpes, to take and raise this infant who was taken by the state for reasons I can’t get into tonight. When Robert told me about the letters I was totally dumbfounded. I could not believe there were so many going to bat for us, especially since we had kept what we were doing quietly for so long. To the individuals who wrote letters for us (we still don’t know to this day exactly who you are), we can never thank you enough for the love and support you have given us– we totally did not expect this! Robert told me the judge went on to commend us he even told Robert to keep up the good work. By the end of the hearing, the judge had granted us a home study in efforts to place the baby with us. When I hung up from talking to Robert that day tears filled my eyes – I am sure all the fellow conference attendees thought I was crazy but I believe God understood the tears I shed that day and turned them into words.
All summer long I worked summer school, attended workshops or enjoyed my free time at the lake while we knew somewhere down the line we would be faced with a home study. Today the home study happened to which the representative from Partnership for Families told us our home passed the home study. He was a very optimistic individual. When he left from the home study, Robert and I both felt it went well and are scared to be excited about it. Then that is when out of now where I receive a phone call asking if they could ask their church to pray for us! We were not expecting this phone call today, little less an expansion of our prayer circle. God totally has left me speechless again today.
While I understand there is another family who would love to adopt the infant; Robert and I are working through the red tape to adopt, I believe God has a plan that no one can change. I told Robert today after our home study that I know God has a plan for us and I seriously don’t know what He sees in us that makes us worthy of the blessings He has bestowed upon us. I know deep down if God wants us to raise this baby then I believe with all of my heart we will be granted custody; if we are not meant to raise this sweet, precious girl then God would reveal it to us as well.
But for now, I am left speechless by the love God has shown us this summer and how He seems to keep putting the pieces of the puzzle we call our life together on a daily basis. Please continue to pray for the baby and us as we go through the journey. Okay so maybe I found my words!